with what seems like an eternal season of refining and waiting.
Ryan and I have found ourselves asking God countless times this winter
"what do you want us to learn through this..."
I have been reading through the Psalms of David. He understood waiting in the unknown and continually sought to deepen his understanding of God. I love how he rants, questions and then he RESTS. He rests in GODs UNFAILING LOVE. No matter the war that raged in his heart he came full circle. RESTING in the ROCK, SHELTER, REFUGE of our LORD.
Psalm 27 he says "though a mighty army surrounds me, my heart will not be afraid. Even if I am attacked, I will remain confident. The one thing I ask of the Lord all the days of my life delighting in the Lords perfections...for HE will conceal me there when troubles come. HE will place me out of reach on a high rock. Then I will hold my head high."
Confidence is restored in the love of God.
Standing tall with your head held high is made possible by the power we claim in JESUS.
If we find ourselves in a season of waiting solely to gaze deeper into HIS face and trust HIM then the winter is worthy. Worthy of the waiting. Worthy of enduring the cold to feel the warmth of HIS LOVE. Knowing our roots have burrowed deeper in the cold of the winter. AND what will spring forth in due season will declare the HOPE of a FAITHFUL, LOYAL HEAVENLY FATHER...
"SEASONS" by Hillsong has been my "power song" as my sister Gretchen calls them in her book "Wide Eyed". I will not look back on the winter of 2019 the same as I hear this song played in years to come. Read the lyrics and be thankful SPRING is coming BUT the waiting in WINTER was not to waste.
"Like the frost on a rose
Winter comes for us all
Oh how nature acquaints us
With the nature of patience
Like a seed in the snow
I've been buried to grow
For Your promise is loyal
From seed to sequoia
Though the winter is long even richer
The harvest it brings
Though my waiting prolongs even greater
Your promise for me like a seed
I believe that my season will come...
Lord I think of Your love
Like the low winter sun
As I gaze I am blinded
In the light of Your brightness
Like a fire to the snow
I'm renewed in Your warmth
Melt the ice of this wild soul
Till the barren is beautiful
I can see the promise
I can see the future
You're the God of seasons
I'm just in the winter
If all I know of harvest
Is that it's worth my patience
Then if You're not done working
God I'm not done waiting...
For all I know of seasons
Is that You take Your time
You could have saved us in a second
Instead You sent a child...
Like a seed You were sown
For the sake of us all
From Bethlehem's soil
Grew Calvary's sequoia..."
this space is more than new hardwood & fresh paint. it symbolizes open hands to God's leading. my soul longs for no other place, space or thing. i have learned clinching my fist holding onto a "dream" or strong arming my way, gains only heartache and disappointment in the end.....
backstory to this post is I have been shooting most studio work in our basement spare room, not ideal. crowded and easily compromised lighting. this past winter an opportunity to manage a studio in the East Village came my way....Ryan and I really felt THIS WAS IT and IT WAS TIME... through much prayer God spoke - NO not now. my S O U L longed for HIM and HIS leading like the psalmist says "As the deer pants for for streams of water, so my S O U L longs for you, O God." [psalm 42] so we found peace and contentment right within our haven of rest.
S O U L | studio is perfect. God knew. Big thank you to Ryan Fry for throwing down hardwood with me and even more for your support. You pretty much keep busy making my dreams come true:). And to Simply Floored by Baker for the flooring.
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PHOTO CREDIT to Austin Day Photography
]]>MOTHER: the noun form of mother may mean "a relation to whom a woman has given birth"- BUT the verb form, according to Websters Dictionary, means "to bring up with care and affection" or "to look after kindly and protectively". This mothers day I am struck by the reality that the call for ALL women is to "mother". Mother's Day - I believe - ought not be celebrated for just the select group who have birthed a child, bearing flesh of their flesh. Rather can we celebrate ALL women who have embraced the calling of God to nurture and care for those around them? Many may not have given birth, yet they have invested in lives that then turn to NEW LIFE in CHRIST. I know my life would not be the same if not for women within our church family who have, regardless of having birth children or not, have invested the time to care for me with kindness & affection. I am saddened to think that some view today as a day they have to sit out of or be excluded from. Rather, may today be an encouragement to all women who take on the responsibility of "mothering" someone. In the Bible, the prophet Isaiah writes -- Bind the brokenhearted; Offer freedom to the captives and comfort those who mourn. Share the good news of Jesus. I am praying today for so many that ache to bear children of their own, but I also want those women to be encouraged -- You have a great calling equally as important to those who have physically born children. My story has allowed me to birth two children and understand the pain of losing one as well. Through the "taking away" God opened my eyes to advocate and seek to nurture those who could not for themselves...so for what it is worth - "HAPPY MOTHERS DAY" to ALL women who choose to care and nurture those who God places around them.
]]>What if Jesus didn't raise from the dead?
Why did He have to rise?
Good stuff. Great questions. So dad patiently listened and answered all their questions and I had the joy of overhearing in the hallway. I could hear the eyes of their hearts being opened to what was offered to them through Jesus death and resurrection. They wanted forgiveness and a relationship with Jesus. I came in after I heard their little voices ask for forgiveness and with child like faith received Jesus gift of salvation.
SALVATION from a life without HOPE.
SALVATION from a life void of purpose.
SALVATION from a very real place called HELL.
Javea quickly asked if he would still keep sinning... my response "Does mommy still sin?" ummm YES. But we have the power not to, the same power that raised Jesus from the grave lives in you and me. He smiled and laughed his minion like laugh. I so wish I could have videoed this moment but I pray no matter what accusations the "father of lies" sends their way that they will never forget. These two brothers have always had quite the unique bond. One I would say is deeper than most siblings. They survived together, at a very young age when most children are being cared for by loving parents, they grew a love forged out of the lack of love surrounding them. As much as they compete and tattle they are lost without the other. They are like Shrek and Donkey. Seriously. So how fitting that laying side by side in their beds they both became CHILDREN OF GOD or as Tay so rightly said "um MAN of God". They have been welcomed into the LOVING, FAITHFUL, JUST, and GOOD arms of our Heavenly Father. Safe and secure forever IN HIM.
So I shared with them the new "spiritual" name I have always seen in them. Understand we didn't change their birth names since everything else in life had been taken away and their given names held a part of their ethnicity as well. To Javea I gave the name "Peter" it means "Rock or Stone". The apostle Peter in the New Testament was in my mind fearful at times and yet through the power of God he was fearless and became the very stone by which God would build His church. Vea has overcome much fear but the neglect of the past haunts him still. I pray he becomes confident in who he is IN Christ. Then fearlessly advances the Kingdom of God. And to our Teaundre O'Shaun I call you "Abraham" which means "Father of many nations" {even though Javea wanted you to be called Samson because of your strength}. We have watched Tay move furniture at the age of 2 and his physical presence can move people quite easily BUT I pray he helps move hearts for the kingdom of God. That many people will see his faith and come to Christ. Tay stands tall among the crowd and I pray he leads masses to Jesus.
So I hear the question asked -- How was your Easter? Well gotta say we celebrated NEW LIFE and no chocolate bunny can top that!
]]>Not gonna lie this morning was rough. It has not been the first or the ugliest. But the defeat of reliving the same struggle has gotten me a bit discouraged. I feel like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day! Instead of trying to change the events though I am running to God's UNCHANGING TRUTHS.
I typically don't air my "dirty laundry" on social media. NO I am not a poser of the pretty & perfect life. I would welcome you into a daily dose of the #fryfails anytime. And anyone who walks life with me knows - I am REAL {a bit too raw at times}. SO to my posse of friends -THANK YOU for shouldering our dirt with us. BUT with Easter on my mind and all the events to be remembered & celebrated my soul longs for VICTORY!
Daily we watch a child of ours live in darkness {not physically but spiritually}. Choosing to live in lies and deceit rather then LIGHT and truth. Walls of anger surround her heart and insecurity cripples her. No matter the opportunities of freedom that surround her she straps on the chains. The chains of Satan's lies -- "You are not deserving" "You are not worth it" "Trust no one, they might leave" and the list goes on ...
Then enters imperfect mom weary of the behavior that feels like an assault on me. Bearing my own struggles with sin, distrust and anger I attempt to slap some duct tape on the situation by tossing out consequences to her actions when the very foundation of her heart needs restoration. And so does mine.
So I preach a mini sermon on the way to school about what Jesus overcame for us to live victorious, I mean that is what we celebrate this weekend right? Through the empty tomb Jesus said ...
DEATH I own you and HE ROSE.
Through HIS life HE said ...
SIN not today, not in my house!
He offers all that HOPE to you and me. I am thankful God gives me glimpses of how when I strap on the chains of Satan's lies it causes HIS heart to ache and He longs for me to choose FREEDOM. His victory is mine. I pray for our children and others to live as victors not victims but this afternoon God needed to sit this momma down and preach it to her heart -- LEAH, tell Satan NOT TODAY, NOT IN MY HOUSE and claim it everyday til HE comes...
]]>this is where our family gathers. life unwinds here and we regroup. countless conversations. hard conversations are hammered out under this roof. while this is just the setting for safety and refuge, an earthly "haven". God is our true "REFUGE and STRENGTH, a very present HELP in trouble." -psalm 46. i am thankful for the late night chats and early morning pep talks as we walk alongside our children thru life's hardship, challenges, disappointments and victories. our walls are littered with sentimental remnants of God's faithfulness, trinkets old and new that speak to the anchoring promises of God. we are thankful for our earthly "haven" but it will not hold our feet secure in the waves of life. so we daily are asking God to grow the desire to run to JESUS. may our short time under this roof while the quiver is full point each arrow to HIM and the hope of our eternal haven ….
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i love me a visual. tell me something and it might go in one ear and out the other. but a picture, i can understand that. they say it is worth 1000 words. agreed.
after 41 years of failures and findings of my faith. Gods Word and His Spirit have etched truths deep in my soul. i breathe in the Word of God daily but even then
i still stumble and fall. my heart needed a visual testifying to the truths so that i can hold fast as i battle satan daily. life is war. i need all the help i can get.
truth all around me and the power of Jesus in me. you may not agree with tattoos, i respect that. i am in no way trying advocate or encourage rather just share
what led me to this place.
i am a wife and mother of 6 it may strike some of you as odd or you may think "leah is having a mid-life crisis" well i can assure you i am not.
you see when i read Revelation 19.16 about Jesus returning on a white horse and "on HIS robe and on HIS thigh He has this name written:
KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS." i get charged up about that visual, did you read that? JESUS has written on HIS thigh…not a sign above him like that on
the cross mocking who he is but this time He is coming with His TRUE NAME etched on his thigh.
so my desire in the tattoos i have chosen is to declare truth.
the TRUTH about who Jesus says i am -- HIS "beloved". the bride of Christ and dually i am the beloved bride of Ryan Fry. {Hosea 1-14 & Song of Songs 6.3}
the TRUTH of THE ANCHOR who gives me HOPE and it is found ONLY in Jesus {Hebrews 6.19}.
the TRUTH that HIS "steadfast love endures" and i desire to give Him thanks {Psalm 136}
my prayer is to overcome the battles satan wages in my mind with the visual reminders of TRUTH.
anchored. steadfast. beloved.
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the lunches are packed. teeth brushed. anticipation high. hearts filled with mixed emotions. we are a family. we find comfort in the safety of each other. summer has brought its mountain top highs and valleys low. but a constant remains "circus stick together" as we say. tomorrow change will take place. our time together will be seasonally interrupted with school.
Tay will dominate 4year old pre-school. Vea starts Kindergarten. Nay begins 3rd grade. Gage enters Jr. High and Mack is almost half-way done with High School. Shay will of course boss me around at home meanwhile. my prayer tonight is that this year we lay yet another layer of FIRM foundation into their hearts. we are preparing them for life. not a life lived for self but for the one TRUE life giver. JESUS. school provides opportunity for interaction with friends some good, some not so good. their spirit will be tested with perseverance, discipline and obedience. school is not easy. it shouldn't be. life is not easy. a life lived for JESUS is not easy but like our family one constant will remain. JESUS. He is the same yesterday, today and forever {Hebrews 13} and SO we wake tomorrow with confidence amidst change.
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that smile. i can’t take it, every time i see it i just wanna stop and soak it all in. not missing a moment. scrap all the “to-do” and just sit and “coo”. pardon me if i don’t answer the phone, return your text, or answer your e-mail within the hour.... i just don’t want to miss the moments.
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just when we thought the quiver was full. God was not done writing. I kinda thought we would take it from here, but HIS ways are not our ways. I see in earthly and fleshly vision. God sees “God vision”. Early December he showed us a glimpse of HIS vision. I am not at liberty to speak freely BUT we did add one more nail to the mantle this December and her tiny fingers and hands have our hearts all wrapped up...and our hearts wide open.
wide open for possible hurt. wide open for some of the greatest joys. wide open to fully trust our God. it is “risky” some say. BUT we say you never gain anything if you never risk.
whatever HE writes we trust HE is good and HE knows best. meanwhile we will love our precious gift delivered early December with hearts WIDE open.
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Some have asked how we came to this point, what brought us to desire “adoption”?WELL.... We have followed Christ since childhood but never read straight through the Bible.
Together we read, cover to cover...it altered everything. God spoke to us through HIS word.
Old & New Testament have a theme our redemption and God’s glory.
We have been given much and for GOD’s glory we give.
We ourselves have been “adopted” not in earthly terms but in the heavenly and we understand the life changing value of belonging.
We are not a perfect family, matter of a fact we are over our heads but living in HIS strength. Our desire is to “spend” ourselves, our gifts, our time, our talents for HIS NAME to be made known. We may not have picture perfect family fotos BUT we love our new chaos.....welcome the new small Fry’s :)
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“Behold, i am of small amount; what shall i answer you?
I lay my hand on my mouth...
I know that YOU can do all things, and that no purpose of YOURS can be thwarted.
therefore, i have uttered what i did not understand
things too wonderful for me, which i did not know.
but now my eyes see YOU...”
--Job answered the LORD.
i echo Job in the Old Testament. i have been silenced by the mighty hand of the LORD.
i declare my smallness, my simple way of thinking. it has silenced me. i have had to put my hand over my mouth. you see i have been faithful but not always understanding resulting in questions lying deep in my heart---
Why did you take away? Where is your justice? Why aren’t you answering?
ALL the while GOD was patiently molding, developing my faith to be rooted even stronger, helping me see what HE sees. Preparing me for HIS purposes. Taking away my dreams and restoring them with HIS. Let me say, my script for life was pretty boring I am so glad i gave up the pen and gave the writing to HIM.... i do not always understand HIS timing BUT i trust it. I have seen and tasted that HE is good even in the taking away.
A long story short, these precious souls seen above have been God’s “restoring fortune” to us... more script to come. Job 42.10
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the sum of my heart is in these lyrics. i need not say more. i love you ry.
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scattered throughout the Andes mountains are these treasures....gracious souls decked out in full color and ornately dressed -- created by God. i love to travel and see God’s creation. the landscape is a masterpiece and no artist can rival the creativity of God. BUT even more so i love to see the faces HE has made -- each so different. not only are the faces intricately special but each personality has been configured uniquely, by the master potter. Psalm 139 David speaks to the personal creation of each soul
“YOU created my inmost being;
YOU knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I will praise YOU because i am fearfully and wonderfully made...
YOUR works are wonderful...
I know this full well.”
I echo David - I too know this full well! SO many faces & hearts and HE has “knit” each and He doesn’t stop there... Psalm 139 continues
“YOU know when i sit and when i rise, YOU perceive my thoughts from afar, YOU discern my going out and my lying down; YOU are familiar with all my ways.....All the days ordained for me are written in YOUR book before one of them came to be.”
God knew i would come in contact with each of these hearts even though they were tucked away in the Andes -- GOD knew they would be handed HIS truth the end of August year 2010. wow. that is a God worth living for!! 7800 Bibles were directly given to a face in hopes to change a heart....
]]>that was it. she hit it on the head. having a man that will lead, loves the one true God and will stop at nothing for you and what is right. honestly i was dumbfounded that she had come to that conclusion. i knew she had seen that in her father too. Ry had a BIG smile on his face and i gave her a high five “that a girl Mack!” i pray she waits for her MIGHTY MAN...
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I want our children to KNOW GOD. today i celebrate motherhood and I’m challenged by God’s purpose for me as mom. i think i need to take naps more often!
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i started “social” sipping a couple years ago. mostly cuz i enjoy relationships and talking matters of the heart. Starbucks was on to something when they encouraged the concept of community within the cafe. now sadly i am hooked (more accurate description would probably be addicted) but at the same time i have enjoyed some of the greatest conversations with so many...
i am now the owner of my own espresso machine and God gave this little machine from heaven, ask me the God story sometime. now when you come to our home, let’s sip and share, praising God for relationships and a community of friends.
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My memories of Penny only contain smiles. I can’t even think of a time i didn’t see her smiling.
I ache for friends and family grieving through the loss of such a Godly woman, wife, mother, sister & friend.
I wonder why yet hold unswerving to the truth of God’s Word .
Truly the greatest gift is to see Jesus and you have given that to her.
“Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere.”
God sustain those who remain, “til each appears before God in Zion.” Psalm 84
Penny finished well....
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders...
let us run with perseverance...let us fix our eyes on Jesus...since we are receiving a Kingdom that cannot be shaken.” Hebrews 12
“Do not lose heart, Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed
day by day...” II Corinthians 4
Penny Miller Hoffman 1970-2010
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no more fake tree for me. as a Stafford girl growing up we always had a real tree. you can’t beat the smells & the experience. each year it is different & fresh. i seem to be drawn to the “under dog” tree or the “charlie brown” of the lot. this year was no different. “not that one mom, it is weird & ugly” . . . i went with my gut anyway. our tree may be querky but i love it. funny thing is so do the kids, they just couldn’t see the potential amid all the big, pretty, full trees . . .
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anyone else identify? this boy of ours is in love with Star Wars. 6 light sabors. a bagillion figurines & a shrine in his room that is OFF LIMITS to us casual Star Wars watchers. don’t worry we haven’t bought him all these things he LOVES to find them at garage sales & thrifting. i don’t mind really. to think that he likes stories that fight for “the greater good” is a good thing. our responsibility as parents is to help him take that into real life. Stand for truth Gage & the “force” is always with you. . . “As I was wIth Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you or forsake you. Be strong & courageous . . .” - God in Joshua 1.
]]>david crowder’s church music is swarming my heart with the reminder of God’s love. my cup overflows. i will live different because of HIS love.
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boy, oh boy, does she look like her dad & i LOVE it. i love how RY relentlessly loves on our daughter, i praise God for such an amazing dad. a true picture of THE FATHER. a side note i crack up at her “sassyness” - look at that face . . . a father, daughter relationship is special, no doubt.
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we are “proud as a peacock” of you. we love seeing the strength in your heart. you haven’t given up, you have only gotten stronger. you will fail on occasion, friends will disappoint and life will get MUCH harder (not just tough spelling tests). GOD is always there to strengthen. Even though HE is unseen, HE is THERE. we pray we are a good example of the “unseen” in your life - we are here for you . . . mom & dad.
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somedays i feel like i am just hanging on. thank goodness for “new mercies every morning” or in Jack’s case a for a new tooth coming on its way . . . on a side note SO glad i snagged this pic, Jack lost his tooth a couple minutes later.
Have you ever made something? Something you poured your heart into, something you created for a specific purpose? God did. Each one of us. He still is molding, continually shaping each of one. Why do i think He does not know what is gong on??? Isaiah records THE Potter . . .
“You turn things upside down, as if the potter were thought to be like the clay!
Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, “He did not make me?”
Can the pot say of the potter, “He knows nothing?”
i am glad HE is the potter, i trust HIS HAND.
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“he is like a tree planted by the streams of water that yields its fruit in its season and its leaf does not wither . . .” psalm 1.3
we need roots to stand, deep roots produce fruit, and when the winds blow you need roots to sustain. I am thankful for my roots . . . instilled promises from God’s Word, seeing & reading about the testimonies of saints who have gone before, experiencing God’s faithfulness . . . all are roots of GRACE.
September 13th is the start of “Roots” a singles ministry of grace church.
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i was mowing the other night and we had mushrooms abounding in our backyard - strange. this little guy caught my eye in Pennsylvania. he doesn’t look like other mushrooms i have seen, i like that about him. rare is good. this guy found himself some shade too. . .
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i know this will change. parenting is a process of letting go BUT for now i am the only girl for him. he is growing up. his father is bar none the GREATEST model of a man. if he follows his father he will make some girl very happy. i pray he chooses carefully his helpmate for life. whoever she is i know we will have something in common -- we are the most fortunate of girls!
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i was taken with the “portas” in Portugal. Doors and gates all lead to something, to somewhere. I often wondered what was beyond the passage. How do they live? Is it filled with grandeur? abandoned? unkept? Would they let me in? I wanted to knock but didn’t. Life has doors. Have you ever opted for door #1 when you should have went through door #3? Choices - they all lead us to something, to somewhere. I have entered places i wish i hadn’t. I have retreated quickly. Knowing that where i was headed was not where i wanted to go. I have found that through the narrow passage TRUE LIFE is found, not an easy path but eternal grandeur. Go ahead, KNOCK. HE, who is faithful & true, WILL answer.
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(noun) : a singular person distinguished from others by a special quality. [Syn. character, original, unique, one self].
some faces just linger in your heart . . .
Mack turned 10. Her gift was to be a new bike. She found this one and had an instant connection. She scrubbed it up and this is her “NEW” bike. She is a lot like her bike - a rare find!
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i like simple. not easy, just simple. less busyness would be good. the amish intrigue me, i do admire some things.
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much like these strawberries i am still a little green. i have growing to do. weeding needs to take place. the best source of growth for me is drinking in the living water & the SON. i am “a planting of the Lord for the display of HIS splendor.” isaiah 60
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“If one falls down, his friend can help him up. BUT pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!” i have not walked life alone. true friends are hard to find. i am married to my truest friend, he has helped me up time & again.
we are pumped for our summer time. no early bedtime. no packin’ lunches. late nights swimming. fishing. sunroof open. hangin’ with the neighborhood gang. roller blading around the lake & .49 cent beverages at QT. It is a time to be refreshed kinda like the wind blowing in your face cruising down the highway . . . bring it on!
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i love to travel across God’s world. it makes me feel small. reminds me that the ONE i serve is BIG. we go wanting to serve the Portuguese as the hands of Jesus. i am falling in love with the people & country already and we haven’t even left - - JULY 4th is coming!
they offer a place to rest, a time of relaxation, where there is one many usually gather around, they help ease the load on our weary feet, many stories are told from a chair - -these have half a century behind them. i love my chairs given by my family on Mother’s Day. i think they will have many more stories to come . . .
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complex she is. strong-willed. loving. stubborn. funny. sporty. girly. tender. tough. mack i love all of you, but you will need a heck of a man someday. your dad is the only one for now.
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Gage pitched his first game (2 innings). 5 strike outs. it was a moment in his life that built confidence. i remember some of those times as a child. God-given times that assured me i was capable. Gage needed that - God knew. We couldn’t be more proud of our little pitcher.
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simple. hard working. friendly. john deere loving kind of place. behind a tractor on the interstate, no big thing, you’re in iowa. we love our pork. our State Fair is the BEST. God made this land and we are proud to call it home.
i love a child’s ability to create & imagine. using the oddest of things to create simple toys. it occupies them for hours. then we introduced video games, i think i like them digging through the trash for something to do better.
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the character of something that has traveled over time. i am drawn to it. the scrapes, nicks, rips, tears, wrinkles, creases, bumps and fades say it has lived. i would like the same to be true of me - i have lived life to the FULL. i loved until it hurt. laughed until it hurt. cried until it hurt. but in the end i felt, understood, & gained wisdom. i don’t want to watch life all packaged up, new, pristine and self absorbed. i want to be in the thick of it. “I have come that you might have LIFE and have it to the FULL.” --Jesus
we can live but never truly LIVE. i am ALIVE. scrapes, nicks, rips, tears, wrinkles, creases, bumps and fades prove a life in pursuit.
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